tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1943855236419646332023-11-15T22:36:49.389-08:00TheMindWordsOfDarrenAs a result of the UK's educational system during the eighties and nineties, I have garnered a small amount of empirical knowledge. A large portion of this concerned syntax and the making of shapes with sticks olde time people called 'pens'. I shall use the words I have now gotted in my head-guts - many of which I have not created - to 'wax lyrical' on topics bandying about said cerebellum. That is all.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09526672704814080797noreply@blogger.comBlogger24125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-194385523641964633.post-44412063311944731712013-04-19T03:38:00.000-07:002013-04-19T03:38:12.403-07:00FinitoWell this is it!<br />
<br />
Two years after the first TheMindWordsOfDarren comes the final instalment.<br />
<br />
Hhmmm, what to say, what to say...?<br />
<br />
Blogs themselves are a funny old thing as a medium. Given that Blogs are basically diaries much of the time, it's encouraging to see that all the technology we have at our disposal hasn't caused everyone to develop the attention span of a pitbull being taught algebra in a playground full of shrieking children.<br />
<br />
Commenting on stuff, the sharing of opinions/wisdom/recipes; it's all out there in the Blogosphere and whether badly written, eye-searingly gaudy or wilfully antagonising, they provide another level of insight into a time when never has so much information been recorded or available.<br />
<br />
So yeah, keep it up, don't stop tapping away but remember to leave the keyboard once in a while or you might end up with nothing to say...Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09526672704814080797noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-194385523641964633.post-89274246452223795892013-03-10T09:30:00.000-07:002013-03-10T09:30:00.116-07:00It's All Geek To Me!Geeks, nerds, dorks, bookworms:- Whatever they're called these days, people who are engaged in perfectly harmless activities are often labelled something along these lines. But what is a <i>geek</i>? One on line dictionary describes them thusly:-<br />
<br />
<div class="luna-Ent">
<div class="header">
geek <span class="pronset"><span class="show_spellpr" style="display: inline;"><span class="prondelim">[</span><span class="pron">geek</span><span class="prondelim">]</span> <span class="pron_toggle" style="display: inline;"><a alt="Toggle for IPA" class="pronlink" href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=194385523641964633" title="Click to show IPA">Show IPA</a> </span></span></span> </div>
<div class="body">
<div class="pbk">
<span class="pg"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">noun</span> </span></span><span class="labset"><span class="ital-inline"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword">Slang.</span> </span></span></span> <div class="luna-Ent">
<span class="dnindex"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword">1.</span> </span></span><div class="dndata">
<span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword">a</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">computer</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">expert</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">or</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">enthusiast</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">(a</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">term</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">of</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">pride</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">as</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">self-reference,</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">but</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">often</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">considered</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">offensive</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">when</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">used</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">by</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">outsiders.)</span> </span></div>
</div>
<div class="luna-Ent">
<span class="dnindex"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword">2.</span> </span></span><div class="dndata">
<span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword">a</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">peculiar</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">or</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">otherwise</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">dislikable</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">person,</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">especially</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">one</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">who</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">is</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">perceived</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">to</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">be</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">overly</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">intellectual.</span> </span></div>
</div>
<div class="luna-Ent">
<span class="dnindex"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">3.</span> </span></span><div class="dndata">
<span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword">a</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">carnival</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">performer</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">who</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">performs</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">sensationally</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">morbid</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">or</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">disgusting</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">acts,</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">as</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">biting</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">off</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">the</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">head</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">of</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">a</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">live</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">chicken.</span> </span></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<div class="tail">
<div class="ety">
<b><i><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">Origin:</span> </span></i></b> <br /><span id="hotword"> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">1915-</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">20;</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">probably</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">variant</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">of</span> </span><span class="ital-inline"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword">geck</span> </span></span><span id="hotword"> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">(mainly</span> </span><span class="rom-inline"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword">Scots</span> </span></span><span id="hotword">) <span id="hotword" name="hotword">fool</span> < </span><span class="rom-inline"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword">Dutch</span> </span></span><span id="hotword"> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">or</span> </span><span class="rom-inline"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword">Low</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">German</span> </span></span> <span class="ital-inline"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword">gek</span> </span></span> </div>
<br /> <span class="sectionLabel"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword">Related</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">forms</span> </span></span> <div class="roset">
<span class="secondary-bf"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword">geek·y,</span> </span></span><span class="pg"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">adjective</span></span></span></div>
<div class="roset">
<span class="pg"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;"> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="roset">
<span class="pg"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">Let's break it down shall we?</span></span></span></div>
<div class="roset">
<span class="pg"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;"> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="roset">
<span class="pg"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">Explanation 1 seems to imply that geekdom is entirely made up of those with any level of interest in the use of their PC. This seems more than a little out of date. Given that government stats (in the UK at least) state that around 75% of homes has a computer in the place somewhere and so this means that personal computer ownership is no longer geeky or that most western countries are in need of a name change. If this is the case, I want to 'bagsy' Norbertland for Britain.</span></span></span></div>
<div class="roset">
<span class="pg"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;"> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="roset">
<span class="pg"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">I haven't seen anyone referred to as a nerd solely for owning or even knowing about computers during my time so I'm going to have to assume that oddly, the meaning lifted here from the on line dictionary actually pre-dates the Internet.</span></span></span></div>
<div class="roset">
<span class="pg"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;"> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="roset">
<span class="pg"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">Meaning 2 goes for the throat a bit by declaring the as yet undefinable geek as a 'dislikable person'. Well, that's quite the declaration! Sure, geek is still a term that can be use derogatorily but I've never personally known someone be declared unlikeable because they're a nerd. Besides, this is also a meaning that seems to take the point of view of someone who might have a dislike of lack of understanding of said computer enthusiasts comings-and-goings. Very curious as I'm quite sure this definition would be the completer opposite of someone who actively calls themselves a geek, therefore lending itself to be somewhat biased but why?</span></span></span></div>
<div class="roset">
<span class="pg"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;"> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="roset">
<span class="pg"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">Also, overly intellectual? Can one be such a thing? That's like saying - out of context - too rich or too funny. How can there be a ceiling on cleverness? </span></span></span></div>
<div class="roset">
<span class="pg"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;"> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="roset">
<span class="pg"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">Okay so meaning 3 is where the dictionary editor here totally looses it. Apparently the nerd is </span></span></span><div class="dndata">
<span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword">a</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">carnival</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">performer</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">who</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">performs</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">sensationally</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">morbid</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">or</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">disgusting</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">acts,</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">as</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">biting</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">off</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">the</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">head</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">of</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">a</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">live</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">chicken.</span></span></div>
<div class="dndata">
<span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword"> </span></span></div>
<div class="dndata">
<span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword">Let us, at this point, decide what the term means today. Though hardly the most reliable source of information, Wikipedia (at the time of writing) informs us that there is no one catch-all figure of Poindexterism any more, stating that there are:-</span></span></div>
<div class="dndata">
<span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="dndata">
Science geeks, Math geeks, Computer geeks, History geeks, Sci-Fi geeks,
Fantasy geeks, Comic Book geeks, Video Game geeks, Board Game geeks,
Music geeks, and even Sports geeks.</div>
<div class="dndata">
</div>
<div class="dndata">
That's right y'all; <b>sports</b> geeks.</div>
<div class="dndata">
</div>
<div class="dndata">
I would your honour, suggest that football fans fit very nicely into the notion of the geek being a person that escapes into their subject matter at the expense of their 'real life'.</div>
<div class="dndata">
<br /></div>
<div class="dndata">
Perhaps these days geekdom is relative, sometimes in direct opposition to the subject of their derision yet often quite closely linked. Lager drinkers might think real ale supporters are geeks; On line and tabletop role play gamers might look down on their live action counterparts; soccer fans label anyone that owns a book as 'one of them there readers.'</div>
<div class="dndata">
</div>
<div class="dndata">
The conclusion?</div>
<div class="dndata">
</div>
<div class="dndata">
We're <b>all</b> geeks then. Anyone who likes anything does so to a more or lesser degree than someone who likes another. Better that than be the poor sod that can't find value in anything at all.</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09526672704814080797noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-194385523641964633.post-65677504202682696462013-02-06T10:36:00.002-08:002013-02-06T10:38:22.986-08:00Kommons KombatPolitics eh?<br />
<br />
It's often cited as one of the things one shouldn't bring up in casual conversation for fear of upsetting a potential friendship, relatives wedding or meeting of the local coven, depending on whether or not you're from the Lancashire.<br />
<br />
I confess to being a latecomer to the table, generally hiding my lack of interest behind the gossamer thin excuse that <i>there's nowt you can do about 'em anyroad</i>.<br />
<br />
The thing of it is that as I get older, I'm actually finding politics and the world of the MP more and more interesting. From the utter disbelief and exasperation at seeing my first House of Commons debate to the almost daily bunglings of the various MP's as they fall foul of zip wires, bigoted northern pensioners and their own expense receipts.<br />
<br />
The trouble of course is that a bunch or grey men in grey suits are, on the surface of it, all too forgettable.<br />
<br />
Of course all political parties employ 'spin' but the greatest example of this may well be unintentional. When, to pick an example entirely at random, an MP hits the headlines because he may or may not have called a bobby a filthy plebeian, many people will be encountering this character for the first time - or at least think they are. They may also come to realise that they don't even know which party said MP is presently in the employ of.<br />
<br />
Sure they sometimes wear a coloured tie for the less discerning amongst us to work out who the goodies and baddies are (or baddies and less baddies for a more accurate picture) but I say lets go a step further.<br />
<br />
Organisations such as Marvel, the WWE and them what make Mortal Kombat know the power of the easily discernible character. Imagine how many more might tune in if a roided out Ed Milliband came to the commons debate to try to slam a servo-assisted mechsuit wearing David Cameron through a big pasting table whilst his back benchers held up placards with questions on them.<br />
<br />
Voter apathy could easily be combated at the next election by a series of increasingly powerful politicians in brightly coloured costumes engaging in battles near the London Eye or outside Windsor Castle.<br />
<br />
Having to bulk up, create special weaponry or seek out irradiated animals to get bitten by might stop these little scamps getting themselves into trouble and would also force the broadsheets to look a lot more like my beloved comics.<br />
<br />
In fact, if this doesn't happen, I might go back to being an ignoramus.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09526672704814080797noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-194385523641964633.post-83309032504062846942012-12-31T11:59:00.000-08:002013-01-04T07:13:00.027-08:00Hey, You In The Future<div id="yui_3_2_0_1_132269518731198">
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;">Well then. That was the year that was eh?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;">Him off that film did that thing. That royal upset that ambassador by saying what he did said. That sports guy was in court for...oh it's time to 'fess up.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div id="yui_3_2_0_1_132269518731195">
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;"><span id="yui_3_2_0_1_132269518731192">I wrote this 'blog' over a year ago. Yes back in the halcyon days of talk about dozenth dip recessions and riots I wonder what the world of the future will be like. I imagine</span><span id="yui_3_2_0_1_132269518731192"> very, very similar to the one we inhabit now. Lets face it, you're either reading this on an incrementally improved piece of technology or on a piece of Earth, blown out into space because Tesco and Sainsbury's finally decided to settle who is most dominant utilizing price-cutting and thermo-nuclear warheads.</span></span></div>
<div id="yui_3_2_0_1_132269518731195">
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;">For my part I must apologize if the writing style of this entry is jarringly different to what you have become accustomed to this last year. I have either improved drastically or have finally become the drunken bum I always suspected I would. It is quite possible that by the time this post goes out, I have made several rambling early morning entries about whatever is causing my inebriated self to be ageaved before selling my internets and what-not for a brand of cider with the word 'White' in it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;">I wonder if the previously aired topic of population is more of a prevalent issue at the end of 2012. If so 'hello, person 43,465,968,164!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;">No doubt if everyone isn't a sex-slave on Targon-6 by now, being felt up by a many-tentacled-thing a lot of people will be awaiting the yearly ear/taste-bashing inanity of X-Factor:- Unless of course shop-keepers decided to take to the streets this summer and ransack the homes of chavs, denying them their 'hooman rites' to text vote for their favourite karaoke singer whilst the as-yet undeclared winner of this years show lies forgotten in the gutter or worse, on an <span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1322695225_0">Iceland</span> ad.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: small;">
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;">Anyhoo, that's me, from the past. Don't forget to save me some moon soup and space pie!</span></span> </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09526672704814080797noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-194385523641964633.post-9211482817719092912012-11-20T12:53:00.000-08:002012-11-22T16:10:32.104-08:00One Of Our Halloween's Is MissingWell here we are again.<br />
<br />
There's been attempts at terror, explosions and burning effigies. No, I'm not talking about the Middle-East but Halloween and Guy Fawkes Night here in good old Blighty.<br />
<br />
The former there was a bit of let-down I thought. Halloween would clearly do well to avoid falling on a Wednesday again as this seems to have affected the festivities. The weekends on either side of Samhain were mostly bereft of costumed parties and on the day itself the only dark and disconcerting haunts I saw were the empty local boozers in my region, spookily empty and not in a good way.<br />
<br />
Still, Bonfire Night proved slightly more robust with tyres and old pallets being wilfully destroyed for days on end this year, the UK especially gleefully sticking the V's up to Mother Nature and the Kyoto Protocol in order to celebrate the state sanctioned execution of some chaps over four hundred years ago.<br />
<br />
Still, next year good old All Hallows' Evening falls on a Thursday. This combined with the lack of 'owt down this year and the year being that of 2013 might ensure a decent night of ghost, goblins, witches, vampires and the like next time around.<br />
<br />
If we survive that is. More on that, next blog...Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09526672704814080797noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-194385523641964633.post-59730288237763338112012-09-12T09:46:00.001-07:002012-09-12T09:47:47.275-07:00New Tech, Old HatHere in good old Blighty we have a comic that goes under the title of The Dandy. Pre-dating the official sequel to 'The Great war', The Dandy was very much a magazine of its time. Aimed at children it largely features several strips per issue including over the years the lakes of Bananaman, Desperate Dan and Korky the Cat.<br />
<br />
The reason this is being told at you is that this year supposedly sees the end of the distributing of hard copy versions of the magazine seeing The Dandy become an on-line digital publication only.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVpaT2ZLqgdcF247RVxdAj-fACei7BDSXgjc5q-WKXPcRQllhibBusb9y8dkRLUxMUihZPTUR3drpOXeGpGqUzQehN-4MP-nPik6YVKgh3WoBIqvamZV31v_Y4fIumwtcrxnTEXHt7ON4/s1600/dANAD.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="155" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVpaT2ZLqgdcF247RVxdAj-fACei7BDSXgjc5q-WKXPcRQllhibBusb9y8dkRLUxMUihZPTUR3drpOXeGpGqUzQehN-4MP-nPik6YVKgh3WoBIqvamZV31v_Y4fIumwtcrxnTEXHt7ON4/s320/dANAD.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-size: small;"> What new challenges might Dan face?</span></i></div>
<br />
This seems to have been met with derision by old readers of the comic though I can't entirely fathom why.<br />
<br />
It's true that I myself tend to lean towards having a preference for my sequential art in a form I can hold/lend/use as lining for the bird-cage should it happen to have been drawn by Rob Liefeld. I do however understand that this decision will not have been taken lightly, after all, The Dandy is one of the three longest running comics of all time.<br />
<br />
Truth be told, I never really liked The Dandy as a kid. I seem to recall reading a few annuals of it and The Beano - Dandy's 'sister' comic - and finding them oddly depressing:- make of that what you will. I also imagine that when told The Dandy was being taken off the shelves many people on your typical high street would say things like, 'I didn't know that was still going'; 'What the f**k are you on bout mate?; or indeed 'Nie rozumiem'.<br />
<br />
I guess my point is it is always nice to have choice in these matters - as mentioned I am a thing made of things and like to have my things made of things I can...erm...see? - but I might also proffer the idea that given said periodical's decidedly antiquated/cosy take on the world, the complainers ought to consider themselves lucky that The Dandy is continuing in any format at all.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09526672704814080797noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-194385523641964633.post-62376032842780436302012-08-03T07:53:00.001-07:002012-08-03T08:13:17.061-07:00Darren Not Versus The OlympicsSoooooooo, The Olympics is on...<br />
<br />
For anyone following 'the games' you may have noticed some of the odder events that make up the proceedings. Of course 'odder' is subjective but come on; Handball?<br />
<br />
Don't we have that already but with...you know...feet?<br />
<br />
I don't actually know if this is a new sport or why I haven't spotted any curling yet. Could curling have been part of them there winter Olympics?<br />
<br />
It strikes me that the events are generally in two camps. The ones where you either do something or you don't and the winner is clear to all and sundry; or the games where the entrants do stuff and some people at a nearby table tell them whether they did it right/better than the others/made a right tit of themselves.<br />
<br />
The former camp would include givin' it legs (running), putting a heavy thing somewhere put returning it whence it came (weight lifting) and barely disguised specialist material for onanists without Internet access (beach volley ball).<br />
<br />
The latter camp contains prodding folk a bit (fencing), grabbing someone else's jymjams (judo) and fallin' (diving).<br />
<br />
It seems to be the first set of activities that garner the most following (beach volley ball excepted) because it's just easier isn't it? Not for the athletes per-se (diving excepted here) but for the viewer. Sit next to your average pub drunk and aside from having to listen to the list of unlikely reasons he's not 'on there, doing that'* and it becomes obvious that if there are simple numbers and targets involved people are fine. However ask Average Joe or Johnny Six-Pack to declare whether or not a back-flip passed muster and there's absolutely no reason for him to be able to give a sound, cohesive opinion.<br />
<br />
Anyways, I'm not actually here to 'diss' the event. Tto be honest the opening went much better than any armchair cynic expected it to and whilst I feel the same creeping lack of interest as many others with mild, self-diagnosed A.D.D. (or whatever the radicalised term for 'can't be botheredness' is these days) because this thing runs for about three weeks or summat, that's not to say that the Olympics does go on a bit<br />
<br />
In fairness, that's fine. The run-time is completely off-set by other factors such as A) The Olympics comes around only every four years whereas football is FOREVER AND BLOODY WELL ALWAYS! B) There are a variety of sports (Handball yet anyone? Anyone?!) so there may be something to catch the eye of most people and C) Don't worry if it got in the way of your actual life - as in the case of most Londoners it seems - because we won't host it again for the best part of a century at least!<br />
<br />
The truth is whilst I can generally take it or leave it, the Olympics is actually quite well suited to today's telly watching public. The events are short, simple and if you don't like one, there'll be something else along soon enough.<br />
<br />
And if you REALLY don't like the Olympics well let's face it. Here in good old Greenwich Meantime, unless something is on slap-bang in the middle of good old Blighty, we'll all be asleep when the next one is one anyways!<br />
<br />
*The reason it turns out is not because he was a fifty-odd year old soak who's only running experience comes from getting to the dole office on time; nor was it because he isn't and never was a small Chinese girl with years of training behind him; It was simply that he 'just wouldn't fancy doing that'.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09526672704814080797noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-194385523641964633.post-63668581405679046312012-07-12T04:31:00.002-07:002012-07-12T04:35:09.341-07:00Spiderman Versus The One With The Hair Off Of FriendsPicture the scene; you're outside your local multiplex searching for a flick
to spend the next couple of hours and half your weeks' wage on. Suddenly,
from somewhere off to your right some gobby, mouth-breathing Ned says,
'fuuuuuuckin' 'ell. ANOTHER comic film.'<br />
<br />
You try not to look at them. You grind your teeth at the several
levels of ignorance this person wilfully displays in a crowded, public
place. Said moron opts to force his/her 'date' to watch Jennifer Anniston
Romcom 12: The Racheling. A decision said person goes along with in the
hope that it will earn them some points in the quest towards a clumsy, unerotic
sexual act that will unfortunately lead to this non-too-dynamic duo firing off
a similarly low-foreheaded hatchling from the idiot factory that one of them
owns without license or permission from a responsible adult.<br />
<br />
Off they go and you've missed your chance to point out the idiocy of the
statement and the ire-cum-hopelessness that even if you had, these knuckle-draggers
would have completely missed the point of your protestations and simply said,
''e'yar! What yer kickin' off for? I know the ______ family from
the ______ estate.'<br />
<br />
Blah, blah, blah.<br />
<br />
So, what would you have said?<br />
<br />
Well, I'd firstly like to point out that, just like the bilge they have
opted to watch, a film - for better or worse - is usually made because there is
an audience for it. Simple economics. Next I'd point out that they
themselves have probably watched many 'comic' films already themselves without
even knowing it; something they might realize if they'd ever picked up an item
of literature without the sole intention of ripping the corner off the back
cover to make a roach. The main error yonder Neds have made here is
assuming that all comics feature classical spandex wearing superheroes and
would no doubt be dumbfounded were they to be told that films like, Tintin, Men
In Black, Sin City and Road To Perdition all began life as sequential art
tales.<br />
<br />
Then cometh the kicker. I might also direct this bird-brained brace
that whilst there is indeed a 'comic film' on at the cinema (in this instance
The Amazing Spiderman) they have no less than three light-weight romcoms to
choose from (also in this instance The Five Year Engagement, Friends With Kids
and Magic Mike) so have not only no right to complain but indeed plenty of
reason to rejoice.<br />
<br />
Of course, as a reasonable and largely private person with more than a
modicum of grace and knowledge of how to conduct oneself in public you say nothing.
And rightly so. To try to educate such 'people' would take more time and
energy than it takes to forget they exist for a while and in all likelihood be
an ultimately futile enterprise.<br />
<br />
SUPERHEROES are enjoying a wee bit of a renascence at the moment. Quite
rightly too. To the couple from this recounting and their ilk I say,
don't worry. There always have been and always will be low-rent romcoms
about self-absorbed people spending ninety minutes navel-gazing their way to an
inevitable pairing-off ending...<br />
<br />
...without one singular surprise in sight.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09526672704814080797noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-194385523641964633.post-82771762547567751502012-05-31T03:39:00.000-07:002012-05-31T07:59:54.582-07:00Off (With) Their Heads<div id="yui_3_2_0_1_1330169785620171" style="font-family: inherit;">
<span lang="en-us" style="font-size: small;">Hear ye, hear ye.</span><br />
<span lang="en-us" style="font-size: small;"> </span><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<span lang="en-us" style="font-size: small;">Here in the UK the
month of June in the year of our Lord 2012 sees the Diamond Jubilee
of Queen Elizabeth II. For anyone reading this in the colonies this is a
celebratory period marking the 60th anniversary of Her Majesty's
ascension to the throne. Anyone out there confused by the notion that
crowns and thrones can usually only be found in fairy tales, think
again!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span><br />
<span lang="en-us" style="font-size: small;">Here in England - with
its record levels of youth unemployment and rising child poverty -
there's always money to spare for an elderly lady in an ermine cape to
have a big party to rejoice the day she was born into the ultimate in privilaged lifestyles.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span><br />
<div id="yui_3_2_0_1_1330169785620168">
<span id="yui_3_2_0_1_1330169785620165" lang="en-us" style="font-size: small;"><span id="yui_3_2_0_1_1330169785620162">If
you found that declaration a little harsh I'll be open and say I'd have
to agree with you; to an extent. The queen herself you see strikes me
as a relatively nice and normal person; relative that is to how most
people would be having essentially been stuck in the house (no matter how
massive) for her entire house and relative to...well...her relatives...</span></span></div>
<div id="yui_3_2_0_1_1330169785620168">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<span lang="en-us" style="font-size: small;">The argument against
the British monarchy and their cost is easy to appreciate if you imagine yourself to be one of Blighty's many homeless folk staring across the immense grounds of Windsor Castle and ruefully
gazing at the many warm, unoccupied rooms. An argument for the
royals is that they provide an income through tourism. That may well depend on whether
you think England is better off ensuring there is food for its hungry or little
plastic flags for American tourists.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span><br />
<span lang="en-us" style="font-size: small;">Until an actual audit
is done to determine whether or not the Windsor's et-al are still
remotely relevant, Britain shall remain a land of commoners,
knights of the realm and prince and princesses - but sadly not dragons - and nobody, for better or
worse, seems quite ready to challenge the status quo just yet.</span></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09526672704814080797noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-194385523641964633.post-72405450247381171532012-04-30T04:10:00.000-07:002012-04-30T04:10:00.433-07:00Mortality's Escape VelocityNow then...<br />
<br />
Having last time waxed lyrical on the topic of food combinations I had to
think long and hard about what next to ruminate upon. After all what
could possibly be so weighty a subject that it could invoke the same primal
concern as the presence of Philadelphia’s chocolate and cheese spread.<br />
<br />
I chose mortality.<br />
<br />
I know, I know; not quite in the same ball park but I haven't really speaked
my brains about it so far.<br />
<br />
A year or so ago I got into a discussion about theory versus actuality and
how it applies to real-life subject matters. Here in the UK at least one
is likely to be aware that the Coalition government (tell me that doesn't
outright sound like an oppressive title straight out of a speculative fiction
novel) is pushing for the retirement age to be pushed higher.<br />
<br />
People are rightfully concerned about this, hopefully because the ConDem
crew are looking to put this in place whether the public wants it or not.<br />
<br />
This however is not the topic at large here though. Beyond retirement
comes death, obviously. In a recent report on retirement it was noted
that many health experts are confident that more than a third of Britons today
are quite likely to live to be a hundred. Aside from wrecking the Queens
telegram writing hand this seems to be an area of more concern than it is cause
for celebration. For many individuals the thought of prolonging their
life is appealing even if all it means is that they'll have more time to put
off doing the things they say they want to do but never would get round to
doing given a THOUSAND year life expectancy.<br />
<br />
To the world at large it means another mouth to feed whilst more and more
get manufactured in them womb things I've heard tell of.<br />
<br />
This may seem enough of a leap as it is but more recently it has been said
that the first person to reach 150 is already alive and only a number of weeks
ago some scientist or other declared there may be a potential three hundred
year old knocking about!<br />
<br />
Here in good old Blighty the average life expectancy rose from just over
seventy in 1960 to just over eighty in 2010. Now 'experts' are telling us
that the bucket kicking age is rising faster than we can actually age.<br />
<br />
I'm of the impression that all these scientist and doctors and what-not need
to get together to decide how to move on with all this business. Many
deliver the news of elongated life spans with the same underlying dread as when
my old ma invites us round for Sunday dinner. To these white lab-coated
miscreants I say, 'if you don't think people should be living longer, stop
making it possible!'<br />
<br />
Let's not forget that a longer life does not guarantee a good one.
After all, if you've basically spent your youth, young adulthood and middle-age
picking fluff out of your belly button, what makes you think you're going to achieve
more with varicos veins and an increasingly fickle bladder to deal with on
top?Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09526672704814080797noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-194385523641964633.post-22393453732955654552012-03-31T09:36:00.000-07:002012-03-31T09:36:00.917-07:00Chilli Con Can't Take It Any More!<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Okay, let me just start by saying I really do like chilli.<br />
<br />
I like most food. I should look like a space hopper with other space
hoppers for limbs by all accounts and the only food I truly don't like - liver -
can honestly be called offensive on all accounts; I just have one message for
food manufacturers out there...<br />
<br />
STOP TRYING TO PUT CHILLI IN BLOODY EVERYTHING!<br />
<br />
I realize of course that you may feel this to be least important topic
you've ever seen thought about, meandered upon and written about but trust me;
it's quite likely that you have a similar niggle.<br />
<br />
It seems to me that this trend of infusing everything with chilli started
with more obvious foods such as crisps and peanuts. Fair enough I thought.
At the time of writing I am only in my thirties but tell someone just few years
younger that we used to only have ready salted, cheese and onion and salt and
vinegar crisps to choose from and the reaction I tend to get falls somewhere
between disbelief and sympathy the like of Ethiopia has yet to experience.<br />
<br />
Spicy foods have of course become more prevalent over the years in Britain
with some declaring that our national dish is now curry. No specific
curry mind, which strikes me as a bit like saying, 'our country's flag will
be...rectangular!'<br />
<br />
So to come to the crux of the matter one might think that my openness to
almost any form of grub would allow for the introduction anywhere of one of my
favourite Mexican staples.<br />
<br />
Not so.<br />
<br />
Some time ago I wandered into a shop called 'Hotel Chocolat'. You may
have seen one yourself. I believe they are a chain of sorts. Within
I found lots of over-priced but interesting looking products. The place
was a bit clinical for my liking and dare I say pretentious but hey ho; horses
for courses and all that. It was here that I first saw chocolate bars
with chopped chillies set into them. They just sat there sticking out of
the chocolate, unwelcome as a pubic louse and as unabashed as Gary Glitter at
the Vietnam border.<br />
<br />
Soon after other companies tried the same combo and it was at this point I
realized I didn't have to get a mortgage only to remortgage it for the buying
of an example of this 'treat' and lazy comedic purposes.<br />
<br />
The results were not extreme. There was no coughing up a rainbow in
sheer disgust; nor was I struck with repentant realization that I'd been wrong
all the time and chilli/chocolate was surely a sign of celestial
existence. To be honest, it was pretty ho-hum.<br />
<br />
The thing is we will often see T.V. chefs or food manufacturers putting odd
things together because they think they're being quirky or are challenging us
conventional plebs. The fact is though that most ingredients available to
us now have been around in one form or another since before we came down from
the trees/got told to bugger off after a bout of misguided apple scrumping
depending on your belief system.<br />
<br />
Just as certain insects and woodland creatures know not to go for certain
berries so too do we know that certain foodstuffs just should not get together.<br />
<br />
Sure one person might like some strange new cabbage and synthesized
pterodactyl crisps and his friend might rightly chide him for his uncouth
habits but this hasn't stopped companies from giving us the likes of Strawberry
flavoured potato chips and squid gut iced cream - both absolutely real, one of
which I've been unwise enough to try.<br />
<br />
To be honest though, I'm all for innovation. I don't hark fondly back
at the days when it was chips with everything and there were only two kinds of
peanuts.<br />
<br />
It's just that sometimes...just sometimes...I quite like things to taste the
way I'd initially expected them to.<br />
<br />
Plus the second you say you like one thing, that's all the missus bloody
buys in, no matter what the format!<br />
<br />
NB: At the time of writing <i>Philadelphia</i> had recently released a <i>cheese
and chocolate</i> edition of their spread. If you happen to come across
this and are willing to take the plunge, feel free to report back on the mental
state its taste/texture/concept left you in.<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09526672704814080797noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-194385523641964633.post-36335098320495134342012-03-12T08:10:00.001-07:002012-03-12T08:19:41.271-07:00Why Don't You?Do you ever pause before turning on your television/radio/computer or going
outside and wonder <i>should I risk it?</i> Not because of any inherent
danger of what might happen to you but rather because of what you might see or
hear...<br />
<br />
In your own home there is of course a level of control you have over your
environment but going outside can begin to seem as idiotic as flinging one’s
self bodily into a volcano. Personally I feel as though I'm starting to
put not only my sanity at risk but also that every time I hear yet another
banal conversation on the bus I actually start to haemorrhage IQ points.<br />
<br />
On this note, when a banal conversation is being held on the phone, why does
it become more infuriating? In theory, half the verbal diarrhoea should
equal half the negative effects.<br />
<br />
Anyway this brings me to the motivation behind this article.<br />
<br />
Rather frivolously, I went on what is fast becoming a mission as tricky and
fraught with problems as any space-walk and went to my local shop. The
in-store radio there had been tuned to what I can only presume was considered
by the vendors therein would be most pleasing to the unrefined ears of their
typical clientele. i.e.: one of the many local stations pumping out inane
'R&B' (don't get me started on that one) euro-dance claptrap.<br />
<br />
During an intermission in the 'music' the presenters picked up on the topic
of the day in forced friendly banter, the subject being <i>digital detoxing</i>.
For anyone with actual problems or concerns in their life I'll explain; a digital
detox is the latest trend amongst people who have <i>water-cooler moments</i> and
think cup-cakes are worthy of prolonged conversation. It involves going
as long as one can using as little in the way of technology - primarily social
networking sites - as possible.<br />
<br />
It's telling that the word possible was used here because whether it was the
presenters of the broadcast or the source from which they were using, someone
out there has a very limited understanding of what possible actually entails.<br />
<br />
We aren't talking about eating your own head or crashing planets into one
another using force of will here. Digital detoxification is about not
going on Twitter for a bit. Incidentally, I have not and will not go on
Twitter or any of this constant update jiggery-pokery. We live in a
society constantly whining about privacy then spend the rest of the day
informing the world of our whereabouts and activities; it's national schizophrenia
I tells ya!<br />
<br />
Besides, I've 'unfriended' more than one Facebook acquiantance for filling up my
notifications with 'Just had a bacon butty. Mmmm.'<br />
<br />
If you feel the need to get away from your computer - insert you own gag
here - then great! If you've come to the realization that social
networking sites have understandably, skewered your ability to function in
social situations, marvellous! Walk away from the PC, get a phone that utilizes that forgotten MAKES CALLS feature and little else and go and walk just to see where it takes
you!<br />
<br />
Just don't go giving it an idiotic, media sound bite friendly name.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09526672704814080797noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-194385523641964633.post-56828020779434924922012-01-31T04:00:00.000-08:002012-01-31T04:00:13.975-08:00The 'F' WordI was asked recently if I'd like to play football or soccer if you happen to be from The Colonies. This question was said at me by someone you might - mistakenly - believe to be a reasonably intelligent, free-thinking adult. He did it with his mouth.<br />
<br />
Now at this point you might be sighing and rolling your eyes at the thought of another anti-football rant, irrespective of whether you actually like the sport or not. Well hold your horses there Captain Presumptuous of the good ship H.M.S. Imperious 'cause here's the thing:- More than my dislike of football I. Just. Don't. Bloody. Get. It.<br />
<br />
People from all walks of life seem to get interminably upset if 'their team' fails to place a ball in the back of a net during a fixed, measured period of time at a predetermined location.<br />
<br />
From what I can gather a team is yours if you were born somewhere in the vicinity of its grounds. This may not be true of all supporters but is a good rule of thumb. In other words, a supporters loyalties are rigidly preordained by the GPS co-ordinates his/her mother happened to be located at approximately nine months after his/her fathers' twitching penis spat forcefully into his/her mothers upper vaginal cavity, across the length of her uterus and onward onto his/her mothers' ovum.<br />
<br />
Apologies to any football fans that are starting to feel a little bit silly now at this point but these are facts.<br />
<br />
Anyway, there is a season that is supposed to have a start and end but I cannot determine when these things happen because football is never actually off the television, nor does is ever stop so I have to assume this is a running gag and football one and only attempt at irony.<br />
<br />
Sometimes a team will play at home and sometimes away. For some reason the latter is seen as some sort of disadvantage but unless the opposing team are allowed to play at the top of a field angles at 45 degrees or plant and memorize the location of mines on the own pitches, I am unsure as to how playing on a steadfastly regulated, standardized that happens to be somewhere else would make a jot of difference to a squad's performance.<br />
<br />
The next area of sheer bafflement from my standpoint:- Why football?<br />
<br />
The game itself - to my eye at least - showcases no skills I would consider of any value or worth whatsoever. Swimming is a useful skill. Hearing a new athlete has run faster than anyone else ever has is of at least passing interest. That's because these are relatable practices. Motions that have been carried out by most individuals and it can be worthwhile knowing your abilities and limits in these fields. To the best of this authors knowledge, nobody ever saved their own or anybody else's life by tapping an artificial bladder surrounded by thermally-bonded plastic about.<br />
<br />
Ultimately though I find myself confused by the double standards and sheer tribal blindness that football seems to nurture. On the one hand there are the feckless masses who complain unceasingly about rising ticket costs and underwhelming players and their undeserved salaries whilst handing theirs over to shout over their pie-filled bellies at paid sportsmen how to do their jobs and on the other? Well here you have the multi-millionaire players who wouldn't dream of wearing their team shirt off the pitch and will happily move to and play for the highest bidder displaying all the morality and loyalty of Fred West in a brothel above a D.I.Y. store.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_ClvecAc-vlbXxrYOKcwZS5GeBsWggGNZriUhv9k5qHyiSJP3NenKNdtcBRx9A5PzB693QTsIUeJqhJNqe3oyQ7hwTUqL6B82RsbPB_g-JV2MCxaTq3zKa2PrGtARa3W2sDEttvnkaIA/s1600/a+bal.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_ClvecAc-vlbXxrYOKcwZS5GeBsWggGNZriUhv9k5qHyiSJP3NenKNdtcBRx9A5PzB693QTsIUeJqhJNqe3oyQ7hwTUqL6B82RsbPB_g-JV2MCxaTq3zKa2PrGtARa3W2sDEttvnkaIA/s320/a+bal.bmp" width="320" /></a></div> In the interests of fairness I have, on occasions where the subject has been brought up, endeavoured to find out why certain associates of mine avow to 'enjoy' football. It only seems right given that most reasonable human beings and many unreasonable ones can happily discuss their proclivities and the reasoning behind them. Alas, thus far and after many years of trying, I have yet to receive more than a shrug of the shoulders and a primate sounding grunt.<br />
<br />
The conclusion? Football supporters:- If you don't know why you like it, don't deride non-subscribers for showing no interest in what should really be a niche pass-time at best.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09526672704814080797noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-194385523641964633.post-36236454679907992132011-12-31T04:00:00.000-08:002011-12-31T04:23:48.461-08:00Don't Believe The HypeSo here it is. 2012.<br />
<br />
Yep, the 21st century is well under way. Before you know it the current hundred count is going to be a teenager:- Hopefully a less stroppy one that last year which resulted in the full blown tantrums of World War I (If this is the case, surely World War II was caused by the century's early onset of a middle aged crisis but now the metaphor is being stretched beyond logical comprehension) and the Russian Revolution.<br />
<br />
Some people - more than a sane world should contain - believe that the Mayan calender stops at a point comparable to the later end of our own 2012, thus marking the end of civilization due to one or several cataclysmic events occurring, from major flooding to a previously undiscovered planet crashing into our own like Dawn French outside a pie shop that closed early.<br />
<br />
The idea that this particular year will be humanity's last is not ridiculous in itself:- After all ANY given year could be our big finish. However one has to doubt that if we do get drowned/blown up/shipped off to become alien sex slaves, it will be because some chaps in strange nappies and animal hats declared it over five thousand years ago.<br />
<br />
Many people who are concerned that the Mayans were spot on the money seem a little uninformed, citing sources such as 'Jen from works' cousin' to another awful Roland Emmerich weather-porn movie.<br />
<br />
The Mayans created several calenders denoting what are now academically referred to as the precalassic, classic and postclassic eras. The ending of these basically meant the people of pre-Colombian America considered a particular period of time the end of a cycle or 'world age' and the onset of another.<br />
<br />
The point? Don't stop paying buying those lottery tickets and stocking up on booze and shotgun shells just yet.<br />
<br />
The idea that the world is going to end because a timetable ran out is a bit 'pie-in-the-sky'. However if you still find yourself a bit concerned then remember that it's quite likely that the Mesoamericans only stopped bothering making calendars because builders of the day kept complaining that there were no tits on them.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWHxyGezTyf44vs3j0mMtgNpQ1pm7lhMT7TwADq65dqqTFHqkWgS72XP4vJvLW7DeDmLUQC0F91krPHAk-ytjs61k9bUuQuCbaxEoriauYIjSxm5WOFAIuI2MJYJ0uRT_Cza3pLm1C2HQ/s1600/Aztec+Bongo.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWHxyGezTyf44vs3j0mMtgNpQ1pm7lhMT7TwADq65dqqTFHqkWgS72XP4vJvLW7DeDmLUQC0F91krPHAk-ytjs61k9bUuQuCbaxEoriauYIjSxm5WOFAIuI2MJYJ0uRT_Cza3pLm1C2HQ/s320/Aztec+Bongo.png" width="272" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09526672704814080797noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-194385523641964633.post-33909385224051775852011-11-30T04:00:00.001-08:002011-12-18T03:40:06.762-08:00Old King Cola<div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Seasons greetings!</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">That's right; I do like this time of the year.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">Folk will of course grumble that it's too early to talk about Christmas until whichever point they feel the festive season should suddenly go from being a dirty secret to a full blown tinsel-fest. To those people I say 'fair enough but should there then be a referendum on when it should be then allowed to mention Santa and mangers and such.</span></div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">For some the start of the twelve days is where it's at; for others the onset of December is the kick-off:- Frankly, I'd happily wish anyone a merry 'un if they were to approach me with a 'ho-ho-ho' any time in the weeks building up to the big day. There is however a contingent of the populace out there with a somewhat disturbing marker of Yuletide's approach.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">The first appearance of a winter themed Coca-Cola ad.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">One has to question a series of motivations in this instance. Firstly, why a commercial? Not only the very thing that tends to be much maligned at any other time but also just that:- A company's showcase to shift more of its product. Secondly, why Coca-Cola of all things? Whatever one might think of the slew of advertisements from the supermarkets and dubious hamper merchants, at least they tend to be pushing Christmas specific wares.</span></div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9xnVOi1LV-GqKK-_FyKZu9CDooBJn4iZLlGxCme3cY_F1bo1aTmZGiCGJivfEBBXpWlspDDtKiKOjRM92DTc5CbgB_1vWMY_t5UpVIp93WXnR94YOFr-yzWvwwsbdwYlGdFwcal3nEmQ/s1600/sNT.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9xnVOi1LV-GqKK-_FyKZu9CDooBJn4iZLlGxCme3cY_F1bo1aTmZGiCGJivfEBBXpWlspDDtKiKOjRM92DTc5CbgB_1vWMY_t5UpVIp93WXnR94YOFr-yzWvwwsbdwYlGdFwcal3nEmQ/s320/sNT.jpg" width="279" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span lang="en-us" style="font-size: small;">What suddenly makes this one beverage, made primarily of carbonated water, sucrose, corn syrup, caffine, phosphoric acid and food colouring representative of the advent of many a religions figurehead is certainly up for debate.</span><br />
<span lang="en-us" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span lang="en-us" style="font-size: small;">I prefer Pepsi anyways.</span></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09526672704814080797noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-194385523641964633.post-27947407940255884092011-11-08T04:00:00.000-08:002011-11-08T04:00:02.968-08:00An AddendumAs my regular follower(s) will know, I recently posted a extended oration detailing the massive disadvantages of the general populaces insistence on introducing yet more screaming, selfabsorbed versions of themselves into an already over-populated, dying world, just to justify their own vapid existence/get an increase in tax-payer funded benefits.<br />
<br />
Within days of summarizing ths issue, the media announced the birth of Earths' seven billionth human. This was reported in the free, badly-written bus sufferers rag The Metro, accompanied by a picture of a woman holding said sprog and smiling as though she'd done nothing wrong.<br />
<br />
Just to put things into perspective, baby seven billion was reputedly born only twelve years ago meaning that before you can say Jack Robinson (although nobody has ever satisfactorily explained to me why you would) baby eight million will be along to take up more of your hard-earned tax money and slightly more necessary oxygen.<br />
<br />
Now, bearing in mind that in reading this, it's fair to assume the reader has access to the Internet, might I suggest a step towards an answer to the elephant in the room that is the looming population crisis?<br />
<br />
It's call 'the money shot'.<br />
<br />
That's right ladies and gents.<br />
<br />
You all have access to even the most rudimentary of porn sites and the rare few that aren't familiar with the concept can soon appraise themselves of the wonders of a breast/back/stomach/ bottom/vagina/chin spattered punchline to the joke that is sexual intercourse.<br />
<br />
Is it the last word in pregnancy and STI avoidance? S**t no but it's a heck of a lot better for the environment than a hundred hybrid cars and a thousand brown bins.<br />
<br />
Think on, ya filthy animalAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09526672704814080797noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-194385523641964633.post-21749626914870335482011-10-31T12:00:00.000-07:002011-10-31T12:00:00.434-07:00Breathe InSo there's this new show that doing 'better than expected' by the studio that made it. This does beg the question - if they had such little faith in it, why spend an estimated $4 million per episode?<br />
<br />
Anyway, I digest:- It's called <i>Terra Nova</i> and it's about some bloke - probably called Jack Stonechin or Zach Cheekbones - and his family who have gotten to bugger off to the past and hang around in a dead nice time when there was loads of space and greenery and you only had to worry about getting eaten by dinosaur such as the Tyrannosaurus Rex (which existed during the cretaceous period, not the Jurassic age FACT fans - f**k you Spielberg, for that and the atrocious A.I. and War Of The Worlds).<br />
<br />
The point being that you may wonder why Max Chisledfeatures got to do something so great. Well, according to the pilot of said show, in about 150 years or so, the world will be a bit on the overpopulated side:- Proof positive that some people - namely the producers and writers - are either unrealistically optimistic or haven't had to interact with the world anytime recently. This leads to the government finally getting round to imposing some sort of child limit on couples.<br />
<br />
The trouble is Jake Hunkyballs evidently did a sex-wee in his wife not once, not twice but thrice, resulting in the three most perfect moppets you ever did see. So in other words, Steve Cataloguemodel broke the law (making him a hypocrite), but because he has certain 'skills' (not sure how the ability to shoot foreigners on their way to work on a tube train or not be any use when rioting occurs in Manchester is going to help) he gets to take part in this great adventure, despite the fact that it's him and his ilk that created the hell on Earth he now gets to leave behind.<br />
<br />
Finally we get to my point.<br />
<br />
Why is it, that in these days of everyone having seventeen different coloured bins in their yard and fines being handed out if your dog does lays an egg, is no one stating the obvious. That is that if people just eased off on the breeding - just for a bit - the whole planet would be incalculably better off!<br />
<br />
Other films such as Children Of Men describe a future in which humanity has become infertile. This results in the populace becoming volatile, violent and largely unpredictable. I sat in bewilderment thinking 'I can't be the only person in this cinema that knows this scenario would be great'.<br />
<br />
Think about it:- No more schoolkids making your work journey unbearable; Those of us not selfish or self absorbed or needy enough to have kids wouldn't have to shell out our taxes on schools and maternity wards; The rides at Alton Towers would be quicker to get on...<br />
<br />
That's just the beginning!<br />
<br />
If people whatever the whys and wherefores, just stopped dropping sprogs, there would be no need for the inevitable virus/nuclear/environmental/zombie holocaust we are odds-on favourites to be heading towards. the human race would just kind of...go to sleep.<br />
<br />
Better that then teetering on the white cliffs of Dover before being plunged onto the rocks below because a pair of feckless breeders inland decided what the world needed was more of them.<br />
<br />
So f**k you Johnny Shiteatinggrin. F**k you and your whiny, self-important brood.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09526672704814080797noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-194385523641964633.post-76933569419512755632011-10-27T12:02:00.000-07:002011-10-27T12:50:06.902-07:00Guy Fawkes, Where Are You Now?There's been a measure of fuss made about the 'Occupy' gatherings.<br />
<br />
For those of you not in the know...join the que.<br />
<br />
From what I can gather it's <i>something</i> to do with banks - at least that's what the members in New Yorks' encampment are saying - but to be honest, had I not caught this in passing, I wouldn't have known. The trouble is, my local Occupy effort consists of a handful of tents, not really in the way of anyone, barely in anybodies field of vision with a poster of Bob Marley smoking a blunt (the mass production of these throughout history must surely have contributed in a large way to the decimation of several forests) stapled to a tree and a handful of those ready-made 'crusties' that seem to be constantly available for this sort of thing:- Where do they get them?<br />
<br />
Anyway, the point being that their commitment, wilful stubbornness and struggle to make themselves knows means they aren't a patch on the <i>yoofs</i> by the shops. There they have been for a fortnight already, standing solemnly by a Guy Fawkes effigy*, asking for a penny with a curious mixture of dejection, disdain and mirthless foreboding.<br />
<br />
When I saw their guy, slumped against the overflowing drainpipe in the St. Elmo's Fire-esque glow of the shops' <i>Insect-o-cute</i>, I assumed it was another one of their number as anyone of these beggars could fit the bill of a ragged dummy in ill-fitting clothing and like a Guy Fawkes effigy, I would 'ooh' and 'aah' at the sight of them on fire.<br />
<br />
Their commitment is without question; their message is clear:- Come rain or flood, they'll be there till well after Bonfire Night, and if you try humorously to give them a penny, they'll follow you home and rape your pets with a snapped-off windscreen wiper. Oh and it may also be an error to ask these inividuals if any of them know a jot about the gunpoder plot lest you catch them just at the point where the cider/weed/Ketamine kicks in.<br />
<br />
*It should be noted that like all the 'Guys' I have ever seen in my town, this one too has been assembled with the minimum of materials/care/fundamental historical knowledge:- Consisting mainly of what seems to be a hoodie, some paint flecked shorts and carrier bags, all lovelessly piled up to look like about as little like a seventeenth century Catholic activist as is viable.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09526672704814080797noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-194385523641964633.post-42604891791470408612011-10-02T06:02:00.000-07:002011-10-05T12:00:27.643-07:00Musical YoofTell me if you've heard this one before but...<br />
<br />
...music today is s##t.<br />
<br />
Before you roll your eyes I shall admit this is a statement probably disliked by those who do and don't strongly agree. For those that do it's because they've heard this before and it marks the return of a powerless and futile feeling of being unable to do anything about yet another aspect of life and those that don't agree will dislike the statement because...well...they're idiots.<br />
<br />
The first argument of the scoundrel is always 'but there's always been rubbish in the charts'. Well to this I say;<br />
<br />
1 - Do 'the charts' even exist any more?<br />
2 - You're right. Let's give up at the first hurdle and let that be the main reason to aspire to less. After all, if someone pissed on your living room carpet once before, by the same logic you may as well let them keep doing it.<br />
3 - This may well be the case but that was in the days when a novelty song might have gone away after a week or two and not - as is often the case now - something to build a career on.<br />
<br />
Combine this all with the fact that the offending tunes were generally forgotten whilst the greats shone though in retrospect. The only trouble now is that for all the dross there don't seem to be any Beatles, Led Zeppelins, Rolling Stones Clashes or Doors.*<br />
<br />
It seems there's still plenty to rebel against but any voice that might be remotely challenging is being shelved in favour of your 'singer/songwriters' (in a sane world you wouldn't need to highlight the fact that you go some way to writing your own material) crowing in the most banal terms possible about their navel-gazing procrastinations whilst plucking at guitars with all the energy and verve of a dying, arthritic pensioner medicated up to the eyeballs on Tramadol.<br />
<br />
Our parents got rock, blues and punk.<br />
<br />
We get Glee.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09526672704814080797noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-194385523641964633.post-52711191484685360832011-06-10T11:00:00.000-07:002011-06-10T11:00:06.401-07:00Hear Ye, Hear YeMost people would, if asked, say they 'keep up on the news'. It's a broad sentiment but whatever your stance is, you do.<br />
<br />
For example, you may not read the paper and may instinctively hit the + channel button on your remote at the site of a scrolling report banner as though every second you delay will result directly in the death of a cherished family pet, but you are by and large aware of the issues that immediately pertain to your situation.<br />
<br />
Is the economy principally okay? Has the despot of the week been shot through the eye? Has my pension been spunked up a tired, jaded, illegally imported prostitute by a soulless, piss-drip of a so-called person that works for one of our great banking institutions?<br />
<br />
These are worthy questions but what is the price of knowledge? It's having to suffer the woeful and empty tales about kicking sport players and orange women who seem to have completely circumnavigated the burning 'why am I here' question in favour of being so pointless that they themselves could not honestly tell you what they are for.<br />
<br />
At the time of writing, a man who tries to make a ball go over there is still headline news after a month because he put his willy in a lady and became surprised when this reality television 'star' turned out to be a shameless, fame-hungry oxygen-thief of even less merit than he himself.<br />
<br />
We shall not be looking at this with any kind of scrutiny here. It's just that I DON'T WANT TO KNOW! A man, albeit a barely evolved one, had sex in a 'lady'. That's the news that supersedes the daily atrocities, the war, famine, pestilence and continued career of Justin Lee Collins? Why oh why can't we be allowed to filter news levels so that right-minded people can stay up to date on the grown-up stuff and people who watch pretty any of the detritus that's on on Saturday nights can remain informed about which low-forehead has been goaded by Max Clifford into following Jordan between despicable shindigs like Landon following Taylor in Planet Of The Apes.<br />
<br />
As Sherlock Holmes said; I consider that a man's brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose. A fool takes in all the lumber of every sort that he comes across, so that the knowledge which might be useful to him gets crowded out, or at best is jumbled up with a lot of other things, so that he has a difficulty in laying his hands upon it.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09526672704814080797noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-194385523641964633.post-39391899835078739072011-06-09T06:46:00.000-07:002011-06-09T17:23:36.368-07:00Merry Christmas, wHOres, wHOres, wHOres.Okay.<br />
<br />
Bear with me on this one.<br />
<br />
I know every year every man woman and child bemoans the fact that the advertisers and retail outlets start pushing festivals and celebrations way earlier then any sensible person deems necessary. Normally I tent to avoid commenting on this as it seems tired and futile but this year I feel the need. What justifies it this time around?<br />
<br />
Maths.<br />
<br />
At my place of work, one will often find various periodicals lying around the canteen (a generous term for a Portakabin with some plastic institution style chairs crammed in) and amongst the grotty gossip mags I found a copy of <i>The Sun</i> newspaper from the start of June. Quickly skimming through the pages, I happened upon a feature written with a sense of urgency not present in the reports about war and poverty.<br />
<br />
'Don't get caught out! These will be THE toys your child NEEDS this Christmas!'<br />
<br />
This was the flavour of the article which went on to prostitute itself with pictures of Transformers figures and furry toys that somehow look worse than when I was a kid - many moons ago - despite what surely should be a vastly improved manufacturing technique.<br />
<br />
Now bear in mind the date:- It was the first of June people! THE FIRST OF COCKING JUNE! This means that 'they' have officially started pushing the next Christmas whilst we are still closer to the last one.<br />
<br />
People let it slide when the festive season seemingly took over December. They let it slide when it was at the back of people's minds during Guy Fawkes Night and Halloween. Surely now given that we're still nearer the 25th of December 2010 than the 2011 version it is time to take Christmas back and say, 'shut your fat pie-hole Big Business! You've stretched it now and it has been all ripped apart by your gluttony like a fat man's stomach lining and that probably is not a good thing.'Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09526672704814080797noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-194385523641964633.post-14069944921735417392011-05-17T13:38:00.000-07:002011-05-17T13:50:58.565-07:00We Ought To Expectorate BetterToday I saw a male person spit openly on the pavementof a busy high street.<br />
<br />
It wasn't long before I saw a repeat of this incident by an almost identical shaven-headed pug.<br />
<br />
Later I saw a young lady stroll towards me up the hill I was on and moments before reaching me, she also 'hocked one up'.<br />
<br />
So my question is 'WHAT'S WITH ALL THE SPITTING?'<br />
<br />
Vomiting in the street is generally frowned upon. Urinating and defacation are out and out illegal but typically speaking people tend not want to make a show of this and unless a mental illness is involved, masturbating whilst leaning against a lamppost tends to be a rare sight yet not only do some folk not consider it irksome to befoul the street with their drool, they outright make a show of it.<br />
<br />
Is it not time this maligning public spaces be upgraded to littering at the very least. One can't be sure what makes these oafs imagine others might want to bear witness to their projectile drooling:- It may be that so desperate are yonder 'spitters' to spread their spore that they eagerly fling their cells this way and that in any possible manner.<br />
<br />
Perhaps the aforementioned goons think that if they collectively dribble enough spittle into the world, everyone with an IQ beyond the teens will drown in filthy idiot slaver <br />
<br />
But a note to sputum launching curs; I for one don't even want your trace DNA on the soles of my shoes so the next time you feel like dredging up your diseased discharge, remind yourself...oh who am I kidding? You're not reading this. You're probably watching The Only Way Is Essex, one hand permanently down the front of those filthy 'tracky bottoms' and drowning your one and only brain cell in the cheapest cider and resin your kid's benefit money can afford.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09526672704814080797noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-194385523641964633.post-79219405939886857222011-04-21T19:08:00.000-07:002011-04-21T23:35:41.310-07:00The Father, The Son And The Confectionery Dispensing LagomorphHey everybody!<br />
<br />
Yes indeedy, it sure is Easter!<br />
<br />
We all know what that means...right..? Well, maybe not.<br />
<br />
Some study or other that doesn't even warrant an indolent <i>Google</i> search may well have you believe that X percentage of schoolkids/U.K. Citizens/Doggers aren't remotely aware that the 'holiday' is a marker of great importance in Christian dogma.<br />
<br />
The account goes that the son of God - omnipotent creator of all things Heavenly and Earthly - was persecuted, tortured and ultimately murdered in a horrendous manner in front of a baying crowd by the very people he wanted to help. Alternately and for the more skeptical, a genuinely pious or mentally troubled man was persecuted, tortured and ultimately murdered in a horrendous manner in front of a baying crowd by the very people he wanted to help.<br />
<br />
Whichever way you look at it, the question remains; How in the World do these events equate gorging on chocolate in the shape of eggs that were handed out by a sentient rabbit?<br />
<br />
'Happy' Easter.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09526672704814080797noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-194385523641964633.post-37919035505182416892011-04-18T05:58:00.000-07:002011-04-18T05:58:34.394-07:00My Name Is DarrenI'm a Spam-a-holic.<br />
<br />
It's true.<br />
<br />
You're probably a lot like I was once:- The only time you really saw or heard Spam mentioned was in sketchy publications or whispered in dark corners at shady get-togethers. I looked down on Spam users, like anyone naturally would. 'Surely' thought I, 'the sight of Spam alone is enough to set off some primal instinct in people and send them screaming in the opposite direction'.<br />
<br />
Then one day a friend offered me some and in one terrible moment I'd said yes and was biting into a sliver of Hormel Food's hot magenta coloured precooked produce.<br />
<br />
That morning seems like yesterday's tomorrow, today, only yesterday and now I'm sat in a freezing cold kitchen, head half in the oven trying desperately to get an ancient grill warm enough to do a bit of the puce shaded chopped pork shoulder injected with salt, water, modified potato starch as a binder, and sodium nitrate as a preservative with toast.<br />
<br />
I urge anyone out there not to do what I did. it starts out innocently enough but do you really want to risk loosing your family, friends, job and home in favour of another hit of aspic glazed, light thulian pink coloured mystery meat? Lest we forget that Spam is a gateway product and may lead to 'experimenting' with even more disgusting substances such as liver, tripe and soy meat substitutes.<br />
<br />
I'm off now to wander the streets looking for a greasy spoon that might serve the 'with black pepper' variation of the lavender pink tinged article. You I hope, will take something from this tale of woe and steer very, very clear of <i><b>S</b>omething <b>P</b>osing <b>A</b>s <b>M</b>eat.</i>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09526672704814080797noreply@blogger.com3